You Deserve Love AND Respect

The Blog

Eve’s Story

Eve’s Story

From Let Him Chase You by Lynn Gilliard 15 days have gone by since their first date. 3 days have gone by since he last called or texted her. 7 days have gone by since he last set up a date with her. And it […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Staying Focused These Days

Staying Focused These Days

Thoughts from My Friend Lauren At a time when we are dealing with a lot of chaos and confusion in the world, it may help to hear about how others are managing things. I have been dealing with a barrage of concerns, all at the […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Cultivating Good Friendships with Other Women

Cultivating Good Friendships with Other Women

I’ve been working on a book entitled Sing While You’re Single for the better part of a year. Only my closest confidants have known about it to date. In it, I’m providing encouragement and advice to women who have decided to remain single for the time being due to the current climate in the dating world. This book is for women who haven’t given up on the possibility of having romantic love in their lives, but for now they are taking it slow and working on themselves.

One of the bits of advice I provide is that when you are a single woman you should seek to cultivate at least one to two solid friendships with other women. Having a good friend to call on is like having an ice-cold drink of water on a sweltering hot day. We all need companionship to some degree.

But it’s not always easy to meet a good real friend in the age of social media and with so many distractions around us. So, here’s some advice for how you can cultivate good friendships for yourself. It may take some time, but it is worth it.

Know the Difference Between Friends and Acquaintances

In my blog, I’ve discussed the difference between friends and acquaintances. To state it briefly, acquaintances are just people you know and who you really cannot count on in a time of need. They barely answer text messages let alone call you when you’re in need of someone to talk to. Friends are the ones who come through for you when it matters the most. Know the difference, and things will become clearer. You probably won’t be so upset when people let you down, because you know who they are to you.

Work on YOU First

One of the first steps in cultivating good friendships is to take a good long look at yourself. To have a good friend you have to be a good friend. So, if you have some latent or obvious issues that could be a hindrance to you meeting, relating, and getting along with others, get those issues under control with the help of a therapist, reading books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and making a conscious effort to change those behaviors or thoughts.

For example, if you are a complainer, who always focuses on the negative side of things, understand that this is something that other people just don’t like to be around! No one likes a complainer, or someone who is always throwing a pity party for themselves. It’s time to start thinking, talking, and acting differently. Be confident. Be positive and look at the beautiful things around you. As Einstein suggested, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.

The Best Places to Meet Friends

Where you meet people says a lot about their personalities, ambitions, thoughts, and goals in life. In my opinion one of the best places to meet new friends is at work. People at your job are on a similar playing field as you and tend to have similar interests and goals in life. 

Here are a few other good places to meet potentially good, long-term friends who care about you and themselves:

  • Volunteer activities
  • Group therapy (with women who are struggling with the same issues you are)
  • Small business networking affairs.
  • Talking to your neighbors (of all ages) who are single women, who you’ve lived around for a long time.
  • Attending organizing events with similarly minded women who care about their communities and neighborhoods.

Online meetup groups can be fun to attend, but in my experience the people who go have fleeting, flaky personalities. Generally, I think, meeting people online will likely be a short-term experience. Look to meet new people to connect with in person when you can—look in their eyes, feel their energy, and make smart choices accordingly.

It is possible to cultivate good friendships with other women, but you have to be willing to work on yourself and possibly adjust the way that you relate to others.

Again, remember that if what you’ve been doing in the past hasn’t worked, it may be time to do something different.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide for women entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth. 


Image by TréVoy Kelly from Pixabay



Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
5 Simple Things That Can Make Your Life Easier

5 Simple Things That Can Make Your Life Easier

Wouldn’t it be nice if life could just be easier? Even just a little bit easier? You wake up, shower, wash your face, commence to doing your thing whatever that may be, and things seem to work out in the best way possible throughout the […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

7 Keys to Getting Along with People

7 Keys to Getting Along with People

Do you find yourself butting heads with people often? It’s possible to have better relationships with the people around you. A little bit of emotional intelligence can go a long way. Keep reading. For a long time after losing a very close friend who was […]

Who Is Your Friend and Who Is Just an Acquaintance?

What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance or associate?

It’s a question that has come up on my social media timeline several times, so I felt it may be of value to write a bit more about this subject.

Understanding the answer to this question will help free you. It may take some time for you to adjust and accept the reality that not everyone you call a friend actually falls into this category.

I have dozens of associates and acquaintances from high school to college and on up. A few people who I consider close relatives, and one or two people who I would currently identify as friends. Those proportions aren’t unusual in this day and age. Take a moment to consider how many people to put in each category.

So, let’s get right to it. There are different types of people in this world—some who are empaths, some who completely lack empathy, and some who fall somewhere in the middle. Most people are brought up with various values, morals, and “ways” that may or may not be favorable. It’s important for you to distinguish these people (the ones in your life), for your own well-being and peace.

Your Reliable Family Members

You’ve probably heard the term “blood is thicker than water,” but there are cases when some of your blood relations are people you cannot count on (or even trust in some instances). Your reliable family members are the ones who pick up the phone when you call, check in on you regularly, and come through for you when something comes up. Of course, it’s fine to love all of your relatives and be there for them in times of need, but just understand that there are some who are going to be closer to you than others.

Who would you put in this category (reliable family members)?

Associates

Note that I did not put “your” in front of this classification of people in your life. That is because these people are not “yours” — they are more strangers than friends. These are the people who you may know mostly in a professional capacity, such as from networking events, work activities, and such. They aren’t necessarily negative influences in your life, but you should not assume that they will be there for you when it really means a lot. These people sometimes will contact you out of the blue when they want to invite you to a life event, like a baby shower, wedding, or speaking event, but mainly because they want something from you (like a gift, donation, or just general attention). I don’t think it’s wise to expect much more from these social relationships as you will likely be disappointed in one way or another.

Who would you put in this category (associates)?

Acquaintances

The same thing goes for acquaintances as far as putting the word “your” in front of the classification. Because they are not yours. They are just people who you have met along the way of life. That may be college classmates or roommates, sorority sisters, party partners, people who your friends know, ex-boyfriends, or even distant relatives. They aren’t necessarily out to get you, or wanting to hurt you, but they are not likely to be there for you if you’re going through something. Again, it’s good to understand this so you don’t feel disappointed or let down. A few might surprise you from time to time. I don’t think that you should ever put an acquaintance before a friend, close family, or anything that you have going on in your life that is important. Put yourself and those who are closest to you first.

Who would you put in this category (acquaintances)?

Adversaries

It’s unfortunate that there is this category of people that you will come across in your life, but it needs to be mentioned for your own protection and peace of mind. There are some people out there who will just not like you for whatever reason and there is nothing you can do about it. I will call them adversaries, to be as mild as possible. These are the people who will go out of their way to try to sabotage things for you, talk bad about you behind your back, and discredit you in any way possible in an attempt to bring you down (socially, personally, professionally). They can even be your relatives at times. Avoid these people at all costs if you want to experience lasting peace and progress in your life.

Who would you put in this category (adversaries)?

Your Friends

Your friends are the people who are down for you, there for you, and supportive of you no matter what. If you find yourself in an unexpected situation, they will come out and help you or at the very least get someone else to help you. When you find a funny meme online or have an interesting story to tell, they are the ones who will laugh with you about it. If you are going through something personally, they will check in on you regularly (at least once or twice a week) or come visit you. A friend will not hesitate to respond if you text or call them. They won’t “leave you on read” for days. They will get back to you as soon as possible because they know you and they LOVE you. Friends are hard to find, so when you have one, be one.

Who would you put in this category (true friends)?

Starting Anew

This year I finally made the decision to change the phone number that I’ve had for over 20 years. Only the people I put in the “your” categories will have the new one. Then I’ll have a backup number for a few people who I don’t want to completely cut off communication with, but they fall into the associates or acquaintances categories. It’s a short and tidy list, and it’s a number I just won’t really monitor often. This second group of people are usually folks who only contact me when they need or want something.

I already feel more relaxed having made this decision. I would suggest that you might want to sort out your own categories (reliable family, friends, acquaintances, associates, adversaries), and do what works for you. Remember: self-care.

Love Lynn



Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

They say that hindsight is 20/20, meaning that if you could go back in time and change some of the decisions you’ve made in the past using the information you have today you probably would. But when you’re in the thick of a situation, things […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Celebrities, reality stars, social influencers, and everyday women do young girls a disservice by pretending that their relationships are “perfect.” Tell them the truth about life and relationships so that they can make better choices. Recently a popular reality television personality from a show that […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life?

So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I was chopping up a huge head of organic Kale, cucumbers, ginger, celery and more ingredients to add to my healthy fresh homemade green juice. It is full of vitamins and antioxidants that give me a major boost during the day.

Then I reached over and grabbed my bottle of vodka to take a shot.

As I grabbed the vodka bottle, I immediately recognized the ridiculousness of the scene. If someone else had been there they would have laughed. On one hand I’m working hard to make a drink that will keep me energetic, and with the other hand I’m drinking something that will make me want to go to sleep soon.

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? That something within is inspiring you to do productive things while another is convincing you to do things that will sabotage your progress and motivation?

The Will to Fail vs The Will to Succeed

Dorothea Brande wrote a book in the 1930s called Wake Up and Live. In it she discussed what she called “the will to fail.” She recognized that the reason many people don’t get to where they really want to be is that they ultimately submit to their will to fail. It’s that voice or compulsion within that causes you to make poor choices that sabotage your chances of success and progress.

Dueling Wills - Self-SabotageThe will to fail may also be why we women often choose the wrong types of men for dating and relationships. We know deep down that they are going to hurt us, but still go down that path, hoping for the best. And we often do it over and over and over again. That will to fail tells us that things will work out differently if we keep doing the same thing. But doing the same thing while expecting different results is the definition of INSANITY, as Albert Einstein told us.

If a good guy presents himself to us, and shows us how we ought to be treated, that self-sabotaging side may try to push him away. Because getting with a guy who will respect you, love you, make a good husband, and be a good father to your future kids would be too much like right.

Where Does the Will to Fail (Self-Sabotage) Come From?

Maybe the will to fail comes from a childhood experience that taught you that you aren’t worthy of happiness and success. Or maybe an abusive relationship that tore down your self-esteem. Maybe you had a “friend” who constantly belittled you and made you feel smaller so that she could feel bigger. Maybe the will to fail is something that is just ingrained in all of us from birth. I don’t really know.

At the same time, I do believe that the truest part of you, the one that knows your potential (the will to succeed), is still fighting on your behalf. She whispers the right answers to you in your quiet moments. She helps you get back on track when you’re off the rails. She may be embattled and worn out, but she’s still there and still fighting for you.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>