You Deserve Love AND Respect

The Blog

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life? So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Before writing this new blog post, I was watching a television show where a woman admitted that her husband wakes up, first thing in the morning, and says to her, “Bitch, where are my cigarettes?” Instead of putting him in his place, she just calmly tells him where his cigarettes are so that he’ll leave her alone.

Hearing that type of thing is shocking to a woman like me, because I am at a place in my life where I know my worth. There’s no way on God’s green earth that I would allow a man or anyone for that matter to address me as “bitch” instead of my name, and I’m going to be fine with that.

Though this story goes along with what I want to discuss in this post, it’s not what inspired me to blog about knowing your worth. The recent story of singer Ciara is what inspired me to write today.

Ciara used to be in a relationship with a rapper who sang about doing drugs and disrespecting women as if it was the natural way of things. This man had multiple children by multiple women — none of whom he felt was worthy of marriage. He is the type of man who was raised without home training on how to take care of and love a woman. After getting Ciara pregnant, he allegedly cheated on her and they broke up.

Many women who find themselves in this type of situation choose to continue the same cycle over and over again with the same type of man. But Ciara chose differently. She decided to date a man who respected her true worth as a woman. They chose to be celibate and get to know each other in other intimate ways, and as of today they are engaged to be married.

Now I don’t know these people. I don’t know if her new guy is really as great a guy as he is portrayed in public. But the glow on a woman’s face tells the whole story, and based on the glow that is now coming off of Ciara, she made the right choice.

Here is the most important takeaway from the story. Before Ciara could meet a man who knew her worth, SHE had to know her worth.

The woman from the television show I mentioned doesn’t know her worth yet, which is why she has continued to endure that level of disrespect from her husband. And if she doesn’t learn and acknowledge her worth, she will end up with another man who will treat her the same exact way.

A Confident Woman
Knowing yourself means having confidence in your essence, value and power as a woman. I talk about this at length in my book You Matter.

You have to have the type of confidence about yourself that overcomes any level of desperation and fear of being alone.

You have to have the type of confidence that makes it easy to not only drop a man who doesn’t respect your worth in a HEARTBEAT, but also to FORGET about him just as quickly, continue to get out there, stay positive and date if that’s what you want to do.

You have to have the type of confidence that actively attracts the right type of guys around you. The type of confidence about yourself that REPELS problematic men because they know they’re not in your league.

You have to have the type of confidence where you could be wearing a burlap sack and still know you look good. You know you don’t have to dress in less in order to attract attention.

When you have that level of confidence, men want to rise up to meet you where you are instead of trying to take you down. The men who prey on women who have low self-esteem won’t even try it with you.

Know Your Worth
If more women knew their worth, I believe the world would be a much better place for everyone. Everyone would do better and be better. Unfortunately a lot of women go into their senior years enduring pain and disrespect from their husbands, and that bad energy gets passed down from generation to generation.

Know that you matter, no matter what may be going on in your life. Keep that message close to your heart ALWAYS so that you won’t ever find yourself settling for something or someone who isn’t right for you.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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The Problem with “How to Keep a Man Happy” Advice

The Problem with “How to Keep a Man Happy” Advice

Some relationship advice columns (often offered by men if you’ll notice) tell women how they can make men happy or be more attractive to men to keep them around. But there are a few problems with this idea that women have to be aware of. […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Beware the “Rake” Personality – He Drives Women Crazy (The Art of Seduction)

Beware the “Rake” Personality – He Drives Women Crazy (The Art of Seduction)

I like the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene because it warns both women and men about people who may be trying to take advantage of them. Greene is also the author of The 48 Laws of Power, which I believe is another […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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First Comes LIKE: Dating Advice

First Comes LIKE: Dating Advice

“First comes love… Then comes marriage… Then comes Mary with a baby carriage.”

Do you remember that little childhood song? We would sing it to tease someone who had a crush on a boy. We’d also sing it when playing patty cake to keep up with the beat.

If you grew up believing in that song, you may have believed that every guy you meet who shows you attention will eventually be your husband and the father to your baby.

Zoosk has a new commercial that reveals the truth about dating with the simplest tagline ever: “First Comes Like.” The idea is that a relationship doesn’t start off with love — it takes time to develop into something real. You start off as friends who just like spending time with each other.

In my book Let Him Chase YOU I make the point that a special bond has to form between a woman and a man before a relationship blossoms. Before that, it’s just dating. It’s just fun. A lot of women make the mistake of sleeping with a guy before that bond forms, which is why they often find themselves dumped or ignored shortly thereafter.

So take Zoosk’s simple advice: first comes like. Take it slow and allow a bond to form between you and the guy you’re interested in. Don’t rush things, just relax.

And Let Him Chase YOU.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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First Impressions DO Matter

First Impressions DO Matter

Young woman’s OKCupid experiment highlights the different responses women get when they choose to put their sexuality on display over their personality. First impressions do matter. Today I read an article written by a beautiful young woman who decided to do an experiment on OKCupid. […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Examples of Women Chasing Men in Movies and TV

Examples of Women Chasing Men in Movies and TV

If you take a close look at modern media, particularly movies and TV shows, you can see where women have gotten the idea that women chasing men is a wise idea. While watching Meet Joe Black (1998) again I noticed that this dynamic was in […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Women & Dating Advice: A Lesson from Our Cat Friends

Women & Dating Advice: A Lesson from Our Cat Friends

Women & dating advice — can we take some cues from our feline friends?

I am a pet lover — I’ve had both dogs and cats. But I’m partial to cats because I think they are the most like humans. They’re smart, crafty and have a wide range of emotions. So here’s why I say that as a woman when you’re dating men you should be more “cat-like.”

Cats move at their own pace. They don’t do anything that they don’t want to do.

If you tell a cat to do something or try to train her, she’ll look at you curiously as if you’ve lost your mind. If she does decide to do what you’ve asked, it will be at her own leisure — when and if she wants to.

Puppies are loyal no matter what. Cats are loyal too, but not to the extent of a dog. If you mistreat a cat she will remember it and you will probably regret it!

Also, cats are usually very independent — they groom themselves meticulously and take care of their own “business.” A cat is fine being away from her owner for a long period of time — as long as she has food and water she’ll entertain herself or play with her cat friend. She’s not in need of that much attention to be okay. She’s not afraid of making you upset with her — you will just have to deal. If someone or something threatens a cat, she will attack back ferociously with her claws and teeth.

A cat can be “tamed” but only if you’re willing to spend a lot of time and TLC with her. She has to know that she can trust you before extending you that level of respect.

Cats seem to know that they are regal. They carry themselves with an air of confidence that says “yea, I know I’m the ishhh.” They strut around, relaxed and unbothered. They like to be in high places so that they can have a command over the room and see everything that’s going on.

In exchange, cats are loved and adored by their owners. Many owners even say that the cat owns them.

So I think there’s a lesson to be learned from cats — be relaxed, confident and unafraid to “bite back” if necessary. Live on your own terms. Don’t rely on anyone else to keep you content. You deserve love and the very best treatment from whoever you choose to allow in your life.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Dating Advice: Beware of “The Shift”

Dating Advice: Beware of “The Shift”

After much coaxing from others, I have started watching Dexter. It’s a TV series about a guy who serial kills bad guys. In it, his sister falls for a guy who turns out to be a very twisted killer. At first, he is very into […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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