Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships […]
Some relationship advice columns (often offered by men if you’ll notice) tell women how they can make men happy or be more attractive to men to keep them around. But there are a few problems with this idea that women have to be aware of.
You Can’t MAKE Someone Else Happy
We all have free will. We all have the power of choice. So you as one person cannot MAKE another person happy. Their happiness is completely up to them.
You may think that making a brand new sandwich for a man every day will keep him happy. One day, he’s going to tire of sandwiches altogether and want steak everyday. Some women think that they have to keep their hair long to keep a man — then one day he sees a lovely short-haired woman and is bored with long hair. You may think that learning new sexual tricks will keep him happy. That will get old soon too. A person who is happy with you just IS. You don’t have to go out of your way to convince him of anything.
You’re Chasing Him
When you are actively seeking ways to make a man happy, that means that YOU are the chaser. You are giving him the idea that he is the sole prize to be won. He can sit back and allow you to serve him as if you are his “peasant girl.” If you are confident in your essence as a woman of worth then you would feel no need to go out of your way to put a man and his needs above your own. The same is true for anyone else in your life who demands too much of you.
It Ignores Your Need for Happiness
When you focus your life and relationship around how to keep a man happy, you forget one important thing: your own happiness. Who is going out of their way to make you happy as a woman?
So before you listen to advice on how to keep a man happy, meditate on these three points. You matter and you deserve the best — even if that means YOU are the one who has to give YOU the best.
Keep your focus on ensuring that you are happy and fulfilled.
I like the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene because it warns both women and men about people who may be trying to take advantage of them. Greene is also the author of The 48 Laws of Power, which I believe is another […]
Young woman’s OKCupid experiment highlights the different responses women get when they choose to put their sexuality on display over their personality. First impressions do matter.
Today I read an article written by a beautiful young woman who decided to do an experiment on OKCupid. She kept her profile exactly the same while changing her profile picture each week. In her first posting she was a sexy “video girl.” In it her boobs were out and I presume a photo of her booty as well.
The author was actually shocked at how men immediately fetishized and sexualized her based on the pictures alone. No one bothered to read her profile and interests — they just messaged her all kinds of creepy messages.
I know that the new “in” thing in the young feminist circles is to say that we can wear whatever we want to be empowered and liberated, but in real life that’s just not how it works. Wearing revealing clothes usually attracts attention from the wrong kind of men — that’s just how things go.
The fact of the matter is that most men are triggered by sexual displays, and no amount of ranting or protesting will change the fact that men are excited by seeing women’s body parts. They are required by law to keep their damned hands to themselves, but nothing can legally stop them from looking and wanting a woman sexually.
In her audiobook Loving What Is Byron Katie talks with a young man who wants desperately for his family to change. Her advice (which she calls “The Work”) was simply that his family was going to be who they were and there was nothing he could do about that. They were doing the best that they knew how in life — he could either love them through it or leave them alone. It took a while for him to accept this news.
When I was younger and dating, I would sometimes dress more provocatively, with my cleavage showing. I went out on a few dates with this one young guy who constantly said I reminded him of a “famous” woman who I’d never heard of. I went home to Google the woman and she turned out to be a porn star!
As a woman you are entitled to wear whatever you want whenever you want, but you should ask yourself a few questions about how it’s serving you:
Are you really choosing to dress sexy for you, or because you think it’s the only way to attract the attention of men?
Do you want to be taken seriously as a woman with a brain and personality – not just a body?
Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a FWB where men will only ask you for sex?
Are you comfortable enough in your identity as a sexual being to not be shocked or hurt emotionally when men do treat you as a sex object ?
Maybe you are. The author of the aforementioned article wasn’t.
In each of the other photo sets that the author used for her OKCupid profile she was fully clothed and guess what happened? She still received plenty of attention from men, but this time they asked about her interests and favorite TV shows. Go figure.
The body is just a “house” for your inner beauty (your soul). Please don’t let it overpower your true essence as a dynamic young woman.
If you take a close look at modern media, particularly movies and TV shows, you can see where women have gotten the idea that women chasing men is a wise idea. While watching Meet Joe Black (1998) again I noticed that this dynamic was in […]
Women & dating advice — can we take some cues from our feline friends? I am a pet lover — I’ve had both dogs and cats. But I’m partial to cats because I think they are the most like humans. They’re smart, crafty and have […]
After much coaxing from others, I have started watching Dexter. It’s a TV series about a guy who serial kills bad guys.
In it, his sister falls for a guy who turns out to be a very twisted killer. At first, he is very into her to lure her into his web, but soon after she takes over “the chase” and starts going after him. He shifted on her big time.
There is a shift that happens between men and women who date. It usually happens when the woman has sex with the guy. Almost 100 percent of the time it happens when the woman starts to lose her confidence. It most often happens when the woman gets too comfortable, way too soon.
What is the shift? The shift happens when the guy gets what he wants (sex) and the woman starts to believe she has done something wrong.
The shift happens when the guy realizes that he holds all the cards and the woman realizes she is at his mercy — emotionally and physically.
The shift is where so many women lose their sensibility and self-esteem. They wonder “what’s wrong with me” when the root of the problem is really with the guy they chose.
It’s so important as a woman in the dating world to recognize when this shift may be happening, and protect yourself. You may have made an ill-advised choice, but there’s nothing wrong with you. This is why I advocate keeping your options open and continuing to date / occupying your mind with other interests so that if you see that a guy is shifting on you, you can just… Shift your attention elsewhere.
You matter. You deserve better. The best in fact.