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11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

They say that hindsight is 20/20, meaning that if you could go back in time and change some of the decisions you’ve made in the past using the information you have today you probably would. But when you’re in the thick of a situation, things […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Celebrities, reality stars, social influencers, and everyday women do young girls a disservice by pretending that their relationships are “perfect.” Tell them the truth about life and relationships so that they can make better choices. Recently a popular reality television personality from a show that […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life?

So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I was chopping up a huge head of organic Kale, cucumbers, ginger, celery and more ingredients to add to my healthy fresh homemade green juice. It is full of vitamins and antioxidants that give me a major boost during the day.

Then I reached over and grabbed my bottle of vodka to take a shot.

As I grabbed the vodka bottle, I immediately recognized the ridiculousness of the scene. If someone else had been there they would have laughed. On one hand I’m working hard to make a drink that will keep me energetic, and with the other hand I’m drinking something that will make me want to go to sleep soon.

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? That something within is inspiring you to do productive things while another is convincing you to do things that will sabotage your progress and motivation?

The Will to Fail vs The Will to Succeed

Dorothea Brande wrote a book in the 1930s called Wake Up and Live. In it she discussed what she called “the will to fail.” She recognized that the reason many people don’t get to where they really want to be is that they ultimately submit to their will to fail. It’s that voice or compulsion within that causes you to make poor choices that sabotage your chances of success and progress.

Dueling Wills - Self-SabotageThe will to fail may also be why we women often choose the wrong types of men for dating and relationships. We know deep down that they are going to hurt us, but still go down that path, hoping for the best. And we often do it over and over and over again. That will to fail tells us that things will work out differently if we keep doing the same thing. But doing the same thing while expecting different results is the definition of INSANITY, as Albert Einstein told us.

If a good guy presents himself to us, and shows us how we ought to be treated, that self-sabotaging side may try to push him away. Because getting with a guy who will respect you, love you, make a good husband, and be a good father to your future kids would be too much like right.

Where Does the Will to Fail (Self-Sabotage) Come From?

Maybe the will to fail comes from a childhood experience that taught you that you aren’t worthy of happiness and success. Or maybe an abusive relationship that tore down your self-esteem. Maybe you had a “friend” who constantly belittled you and made you feel smaller so that she could feel bigger. Maybe the will to fail is something that is just ingrained in all of us from birth. I don’t really know.

At the same time, I do believe that the truest part of you, the one that knows your potential (the will to succeed), is still fighting on your behalf. She whispers the right answers to you in your quiet moments. She helps you get back on track when you’re off the rails. She may be embattled and worn out, but she’s still there and still fighting for you.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Before writing this new blog post, I was watching a television show where a woman admitted that her husband wakes up, first thing in the morning, and says to her, “Bitch, where are my cigarettes?” Instead of putting him in his place, she just calmly […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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The Problem with “How to Keep a Man Happy” Advice

The Problem with “How to Keep a Man Happy” Advice

Some relationship advice columns (often offered by men if you’ll notice) tell women how they can make men happy or be more attractive to men to keep them around. But there are a few problems with this idea that women have to be aware of.

You Can’t MAKE Someone Else Happy
We all have free will. We all have the power of choice. So you as one person cannot MAKE another person happy. Their happiness is completely up to them.

You may think that making a brand new sandwich for a man every day will keep him happy. One day, he’s going to tire of sandwiches altogether and want steak everyday. Some women think that they have to keep their hair long to keep a man — then one day he sees a lovely short-haired woman and is bored with long hair. You may think that learning new sexual tricks will keep him happy. That will get old soon too. A person who is happy with you just IS. You don’t have to go out of your way to convince him of anything.

You’re Chasing Him
When you are actively seeking ways to make a man happy, that means that YOU are the chaser. You are giving him the idea that he is the sole prize to be won. He can sit back and allow you to serve him as if you are his “peasant girl.” If you are confident in your essence as a woman of worth then you would feel no need to go out of your way to put a man and his needs above your own. The same is true for anyone else in your life who demands too much of you.

It Ignores Your Need for Happiness
When you focus your life and relationship around how to keep a man happy, you forget one important thing: your own happiness. Who is going out of their way to make you happy as a woman?

So before you listen to advice on how to keep a man happy, meditate on these three points. You matter and you deserve the best — even if that means YOU are the one who has to give YOU the best.

Keep your focus on ensuring that you are happy and fulfilled.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Beware the “Rake” Personality – He Drives Women Crazy (The Art of Seduction)

Beware the “Rake” Personality – He Drives Women Crazy (The Art of Seduction)

I like the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene because it warns both women and men about people who may be trying to take advantage of them. Greene is also the author of The 48 Laws of Power, which I believe is another […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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First Comes LIKE: Dating Advice

First Comes LIKE: Dating Advice

“First comes love… Then comes marriage… Then comes Mary with a baby carriage.” Do you remember that little childhood song? We would sing it to tease someone who had a crush on a boy. We’d also sing it when playing patty cake to keep up […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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First Impressions DO Matter

First Impressions DO Matter

Young woman’s OKCupid experiment highlights the different responses women get when they choose to put their sexuality on display over their personality. First impressions do matter.

Today I read an article written by a beautiful young woman who decided to do an experiment on OKCupid. She kept her profile exactly the same while changing her profile picture each week. In her first posting she was a sexy “video girl.” In it her boobs were out and I presume a photo of her booty as well.

The author was actually shocked at how men immediately fetishized and sexualized her based on the pictures alone. No one bothered to read her profile and interests — they just messaged her all kinds of creepy messages.

I know that the new “in” thing in the young feminist circles is to say that we can wear whatever we want to be empowered and liberated, but in real life that’s just not how it works. Wearing revealing clothes usually attracts attention from the wrong kind of men — that’s just how things go.

The fact of the matter is that most men are triggered by sexual displays, and no amount of ranting or protesting will change the fact that men are excited by seeing women’s body parts. They are required by law to keep their damned hands to themselves, but nothing can legally stop them from looking and wanting a woman sexually.

In her audiobook Loving What Is Byron Katie talks with a young man who wants desperately for his family to change. Her advice (which she calls “The Work”) was simply that his family was going to be who they were and there was nothing he could do about that. They were doing the best that they knew how in life — he could either love them through it or leave them alone. It took a while for him to accept this news.

When I was younger and dating, I would sometimes dress more provocatively, with my cleavage showing. I went out on a few dates with this one young guy who constantly said I reminded him of a “famous” woman who I’d never heard of. I went home to Google the woman and she turned out to be a porn star!

As a woman you are entitled to wear whatever you want whenever you want, but you should ask yourself a few questions about how it’s serving you:

Are you really choosing to dress sexy for you, or because you think it’s the only way to attract the attention of men?

Do you want to be taken seriously as a woman with a brain and personality – not just a body?

Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a FWB where men will only ask you for sex?

Are you comfortable enough in your identity as a sexual being to not be shocked or hurt emotionally when men do treat you as a sex object ?

Maybe you are. The author of the aforementioned article wasn’t.

In each of the other photo sets that the author used for her OKCupid profile she was fully clothed and guess what happened? She still received plenty of attention from men, but this time they asked about her interests and favorite TV shows. Go figure.

The body is just a “house” for your inner beauty (your soul). Please don’t let it overpower your true essence as a dynamic young woman.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Examples of Women Chasing Men in Movies and TV

Examples of Women Chasing Men in Movies and TV

If you take a close look at modern media, particularly movies and TV shows, you can see where women have gotten the idea that women chasing men is a wise idea. While watching Meet Joe Black (1998) again I noticed that this dynamic was in […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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