You Deserve Love AND Respect

Tag: dating and relationships

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life? So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?” Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?” Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Dating & Relationships: How Do You Know That It’s Real?

Dating & Relationships: How Do You Know That It’s Real?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau as of 2012, 112 million Americans over the age of 18 are unmarried. That number makes up almost half of the adult population. In years past, you were expected to have a quality long-term relationship and eventually a marriage for a “normal” life. More recently, the trend seems to be: remain single and date several people over time. If you are interested in having a serious relationship at some point in the future, here are a few details to keep in mind.

Beware of Serial Daters

Many Americans have chosen to live the lifestyle of a serial dater — someone who constantly goes on dates with many different people. A serial dater is looking to fill a void because he does not want to be alone yet he does not desire a serious relationship at the time. This is not a person that you want to spend a lot of time on if you want a serious relationship.

Here’s a quick test that will tell you if you are on a date with a serial dater: ask the length of his last three relationships. If the response is just weeks or months then you are most likely on a date with someone who dates frequently to stay busy, but not necessarily because he’s looking for someone to settle down with.

And you also have to consider whether you may be the serial dater. Maybe you’re just speculating on a serious relationship, but not actually ready for one at the moment.

Long Luxurious Conversations

In a modern atmosphere where a “hi” and “bye” text passes for daily communication, the art of conversation has become somewhat passé. But the truth of the matter is that people fall in love in conversation.

If you find yourself having long, luxurious, meaningful, two-sided conversations with your guy that flow effortlessly for hours, then that’s an indication that you might just have something real going on. When two people talk about their dreams, loves, likes, family, future and other things of importance, this forms a bond that’s hard to break.

More Signs That It’s Real

There are a number of other signs that a new relationship is going somewhere. One clue is when your mate puts you in future tense language. For example, he talks about where you’ll live together in five years or includes you as a factor in his career decisions. Another way that you’ll know when a relationship is real is when he wants you to meet his family and when you do meet them they already know plenty about you.

Spontaneous romance is also a sign that a guy cares a lot for you — when he plans things in advance like special dates and romantic nights together, it shows that he thinks of you often and really wants to make you happy.

Before you enter into a meaningful relationship with anyone, it is so important to first know yourself and be clear about that. It’s very easy to lose yourself — the essence of who you are — in a relationship. If you can stay true to your beliefs and values, it shows a strength that will transcend the relationship. It also shows that he respects and loves you for who you are as a person.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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It Doesn’t Really Mean Anything Until He Shows You Something

It Doesn’t Really Mean Anything Until He Shows You Something

Sometimes we women will give men the benefit of the doubt and trust their words way too soon — even before the guy makes good on that word. One thing I have learned (the hard way) is that a person’s word means little to nothing without […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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The Alcohol’s Playing Tricks on You: Drinking on a Date Can Fool You Into Believing There’s a Bond There

The Alcohol’s Playing Tricks on You: Drinking on a Date Can Fool You Into Believing There’s a Bond There

You’re out on your second, maybe third date with a guy that you really like. You’ve had a few drinks — maybe more. You’re having a wonderful time and the endorphins are flowing. You suddenly get the feeling that this guy might actually be the […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Let Him Chase YOU: Sometimes It’s Not Meant to Be… But We Women Force It Anyway!

Let Him Chase YOU: Sometimes It’s Not Meant to Be… But We Women Force It Anyway!

In her amazing book The Power, Rhonda Byrne tells the story of a woman who envisioned having a white Calla Lily in her hand. When she went to a friend’s dinner party there on the table was a vase full of white Calla Lilies. But this woman didn’t rush to grab the flower — she patiently waited for it to manifest in her hand. As she was leaving, something compelled the host’s daughter to grab a Lily and put it right in the woman’s hand. She was patient and received exactly what she wanted.

Too Overeager?
Have you ever been in a social setting where a guy who caught your eye seemed reluctant to approach you, even though you really wanted him to? Maybe he just didn’t notice you at all and you really wanted him to.

So you probably did one of two things:

1) Left feeling bad about not connecting with him, thinking that you missed out on something special, or
2) Decided to go after HIM instead.

I am a firm believer that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I am also a firm believer in the premise of my book Let Him Chase You. If you’re meant to connect with a particular guy, some way and some how he is going to get in touch with you.

Now some women will tell you that this advice is silly — that if you see a guy you like you should go after him. Snag him, tag him and drag him home!

But I know from personal experience that this is a recipe or disaster if you are seeking a fulfilling long-term relationship with a guy.

I remember back when I was in college I walked out of a club and saw a really good looking guy standing there. He looked me up and down like he was interested but didn’t say anything and looked away. I then asked him if he was going to ask me for my phone number, and he did.

This quickly turned into a long term friends with benefits relationship. Long story short, I was playing that role of the chaser from then on. When we got into an argument, I was the one who had to call and apologize. When he moved back to his home city, I was the one who flew out to visit him. Finally, I got tired of all of the nonsense and left him alone completely.

When you force the issue with a guy, it creates an uncomfortable dynamic for us women.

Let Him Chase You
So like the woman in Rhonda Byrne’s book, don’t desperately grab for a man’s attention — let the guy come and place the Lily in your hand. Even if he doesn’t, don’t feel bad about it… be thankful because you may have avoided a stressful, draining and time-consuming experience with a guy who wasn’t right for you after all.

Let Him Chase You!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Relax, Relate, Release Your Way to Better Dating & Relationships

Relax, Relate, Release Your Way to Better Dating & Relationships

There was a classic scene in one of my favorite television shows from the 90s called It’s a Different World. In it, the main character Whitley Gilbert (played by actress Jasmine Guy) was in a counseling session with a therapist played by actress Debbie Allen. […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book: Survive, Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:     – pursuing your dreams – making good money – […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Men Do Want to Know That You’re Interested

Men Do Want to Know That You’re Interested

A lot of women (myself included) believe that when you first meet a guy, playing hard to get is the right way to go.

That may be true to a certain extent, but not to the point of indifference (not answering messages, acting as if he’s not important and you don’t care either way), and I’ll tell you exactly why.

When you first start dating a guy he doesn’t really know anything about you (and vice versa) at that point. He may be physically attracted to you and you have good conversation, but there’s nothing that deep going on yet. He doesn’t know enough about you yet to know that you’re an awesome catch.

So if you feign indifference when you’re actually interested in a guy that you’re still getting to know, there’s a good chance that he’ll eventually just give up and move on. If you are interested, you have to let him know by responding to his advances to keep the connection building. (There are exceptions to this rule of course — an ultra ego driven Alpha male might see the lack of interest as a challenge to conquer.)

When I say let a man chase you, I’m not telling you to sit up on a throne like Queen Sheba turning your nose up to all men as if they are peasants.

Communicate. Text back (maybe not immediately, but eventually). Offer a compliment once in a while. Agree to a few dates (and maybe decline a few if it’s not convenient for you). The point is that you don’t want to be the initiator or aggressor in the initial courting process. If you start off chasing him you’ll be chasing him forever! Let him handle the planning and details of your dating experience until you become a couple. If he can’t at least do that, he’s probably not the guy you really want to spend months or years of your life with.

Things change when you’ve developed a bond with a guy, which is officially called a “relationship.” Once he really likes you, if you start to pull away that might just drive him a little nuts and make him want to pursue you even more.

So the moral of the story here is: men find confidence (maybe even a little bit of arrogance) in a woman sexy but they also need to know that you have a genuine interest in them in order to keep pursuing you when you’ve just met.

So if you’re interested in a guy Let Him Chase You, but make sure he knows that there is a little bit of an interest there. The only time you should be indifferent to a new guy you’ve met is if you’re really just not that into him!

Love Lynn

 

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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When True Love Calls, Answering Isn’t Really an Option

When True Love Calls, Answering Isn’t Really an Option

I am a strong believer in soul mates — mostly because I believe I have met one of mine. My definition of a soul mate is someone who you can experience the ultimate feeling of love with in life. A true partner. There are people […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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