You Deserve Love AND Respect

First Impressions DO Matter

First Impressions DO Matter

Young woman’s OKCupid experiment highlights the different responses women get when they choose to put their sexuality on display over their personality. First impressions do matter.

Today I read an article written by a beautiful young woman who decided to do an experiment on OKCupid. She kept her profile exactly the same while changing her profile picture each week. In her first posting she was a sexy “video girl.” In it her boobs were out and I presume a photo of her booty as well.

The author was actually shocked at how men immediately fetishized and sexualized her based on the pictures alone. No one bothered to read her profile and interests — they just messaged her all kinds of creepy messages.

I know that the new “in” thing in the young feminist circles is to say that we can wear whatever we want to be empowered and liberated, but in real life that’s just not how it works. Wearing revealing clothes usually attracts attention from the wrong kind of men — that’s just how things go.

The fact of the matter is that most men are triggered by sexual displays, and no amount of ranting or protesting will change the fact that men are excited by seeing women’s body parts. They are required by law to keep their damned hands to themselves, but nothing can legally stop them from looking and wanting a woman sexually.

In her audiobook Loving What Is Byron Katie talks with a young man who wants desperately for his family to change. Her advice (which she calls “The Work”) was simply that his family was going to be who they were and there was nothing he could do about that. They were doing the best that they knew how in life — he could either love them through it or leave them alone. It took a while for him to accept this news.

Let Him Chase You Book on Audible

When I was younger and dating, I would sometimes dress more provocatively, with my cleavage showing. I went out on a few dates with this one young guy who constantly said I reminded him of a “famous” woman who I’d never heard of. I went home to Google the woman and she turned out to be a porn star!

As a woman you are entitled to wear whatever you want whenever you want, but you should ask yourself a few questions about how it’s serving you:

Are you really choosing to dress sexy for you, or because you think it’s the only way to attract the attention of men?

Do you want to be taken seriously as a woman with a brain and personality – not just a body?

Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a FWB where men will only ask you for sex?

Are you comfortable enough in your identity as a sexual being to not be shocked or hurt emotionally when men do treat you as a sex object ?

Maybe you are. The author of the aforementioned article wasn’t.

In each of the other photo sets that the author used for her OKCupid profile she was fully clothed and guess what happened? She still received plenty of attention from men, but this time they asked about her interests and favorite TV shows. Go figure.

The body is just a “house” for your inner beauty (your soul). Please don’t let it overpower your true essence as a dynamic young woman.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                

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