You Deserve Love AND Respect

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Cultivating Good Friendships with Other Women

Cultivating Good Friendships with Other Women

I’ve been working on a book entitled Sing While You’re Single for the better part of a year. Only my closest confidants have known about it to date. In it, I’m providing encouragement and advice to women who have decided to remain single for the […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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5 Simple Things That Can Make Your Life Easier

5 Simple Things That Can Make Your Life Easier

Wouldn’t it be nice if life could just be easier? Even just a little bit easier? You wake up, shower, wash your face, commence to doing your thing whatever that may be, and things seem to work out in the best way possible throughout the […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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7 Keys to Getting Along with People

7 Keys to Getting Along with People

Do you find yourself butting heads with people often? It’s possible to have better relationships with the people around you. A little bit of emotional intelligence can go a long way. Keep reading.

For a long time after losing a very close friend who was my “person,” I withdrew from society and became a bit of a hermit. I stopped talking to people for a long time, and eventually I even stopped liking people in general. 

It took a long time for me to adjust my thinking and get back out into the world with a better attitude. I couldn’t sit around waiting for the world to come apologize to me and swoop me up in its arms. I had to be the one to actively make amends with the outer world by resolving things in my inner world.

These are some of the things I have learned along the way that have helped me to develop better relationships with people. 

1. Don’t Listen to Respond – Listen to Understand

If you’ve ever witnessed two people arguing, you’ll quickly realize that neither one is actually listening to what the other person is saying. That’s because they’re listening to respond instead of listening to understand. I believe Stephen Covey talked about this in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

What is the purpose of a conversation if not to come to some sort of resolution at its conclusion? A conversation will be so much more productive if you listen to understand.

Be the more enlightened person the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion with someone and employ this practice. Be quiet, fold your hands in front of you, let the other person talk, and really hear what he or she is saying. Let them fully express themselves. Ask questions for clarification of their points. You’ll find that they start to calm down as they notice that you are actually hearing them!

Tell them you appreciate their side and now you understand their side of things more clearly (even if you still disagree). Then, once they are finished, you can tell your side calmly and seek understanding from them.

Most people just want to be heard. They are angry and frustrated because they feel that no one really listens to them. Making them feel heard will make them feel better not just about themselves but also about YOU. 

People want to feel acknowledged, like they exist and their opinions matter.

You want to know one of my biggest pet peeves? When I walk into an empty business and the clerk or owner doesn’t bother to acknowledge my presence as I stand there waiting. Nowadays, if this happens, I quietly walk right back out of the door. If I’m going spend my resources to support a business, the very least the business owner can do is communicate and acknowledge me to say “hello, I’ll be right with you.”

There’s a beautiful quote from Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

2. Look in the Other Person’s Eyes When You’re Talking to Them

The best way to tell if someone is genuine is to look into their eyes when you are speaking with them. If they can hold a gaze with you and you feel comfortable in it, that is a good sign. If the other person’s eyes dart away often or you feel uncomfortable under their gaze, that’s a possible sign that you should keep them at arm’s length (or further). Listen to your intuition.

On the flip side, when you look into someone’s eyes when you’re talking to them it lets them know that you are an upstanding individual who is fully engaged in the conversation. You can send non-verbal reassurances by simply locking eyes with another person.

Also, please remember to turn off your cellphone when having an important conversation with someone so that your eyes won’t wander. It matters.

3. Care About What the Other Person Cares About (If Only for a Moment)

Develop a genuine sense of care for what other people care about. It may not be particularly what you value, have an interest in, or care for, but it matters to them. And if the other person matters to you (even for a fleeting moment) let them indulge in a moment of conversation about that topic. They will cherish you for that. For instance, when talking to a grandmother, ask her about her grandkids and watch as her face lights up. Even if you can’t relate, you are showing that you care. People appreciate this.

4. Take Care of Yourself

The way you take care of yourself will have an effect on how well you relate with others. When you feel good about yourself, others can tell. The positive energy emanates from you. You start to glow.

Having that good energy starts with taking good care of yourself. Staying clean and smelling fresh. Making sure your hair and nails look good. Eating healthy whole foods and smoothies that make you feel good, happy, and energetic.

Also, when you like yourself, people tend to like you too.

5. The Occasional Thoughtful Gift

Attempting to buy someone’s love or friendship isn’t ever a good idea, but giving an occasional thoughtful gift can move mountains. For example, I have a buddy in just about every store that I frequent. I’ll occasionally bring them a health drink, water, or snack from my car because I know they’ll be on their feet all day. When going to the office, I would bring my favorite coworker a treat. These are inexpensive things that can really make a difference in someone’s day. It’s nice to know that someone has been thinking about you.

Keep in mind that some people don’t like to receive gifts because they will feel some sort of obligation to give something back, which is another reason why it’s best to not spend a lot of money. There’s no need to go all out—small things matter.

6. Respond and Check In

One of the most important ways that you can establish and maintain a strong relationship with another person is to stay in regular contact with them.

Before the internet and smartphones took over, I remember that my friends and I stayed in constant contact, like every day. We hung out a lot, laughed, and enjoyed each other’s company.

Now it seems like a strain for someone to send an “ok” text message back!

Can we begin to change that, one relationship at a time? Make an effort to reach out to someone you care about or a new friend you just met and just say “hey, how are you?” I believe that checking in at least a couple of times per week is key to human connection.

And when someone reaches out to you, don’t ignore them. Take the three seconds to respond, if only to say, “I’m good” or “I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you.” It shows a level of respect and acknowledgement that I believe a lot of people are craving in today’s world.

Understand that a lot of people are scared and they’re hurting. Sometimes all it takes is one positive text message to change their day. If you want to get along better with people, be there for them when they need you the most—even in the smallest of ways.

7. Deal with People as They Are (Or Don’t)

One thing that I have been learning (and that I am still working on resolving within myself) is that people are who they are—especially when they reach a certain age. You are not going to change them. As Dr. Angelou said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

So that person you know who is very selfish and only thinks of his or her own needs. Or that person who tosses out insults any chance she or he gets. Or that person who complains a lot. Understand that that is who they are, and you’ll either have to deal with them as they are or remove them from your life. 

Understand that not everyone thinks and behaves as you would. People are raised differently and have varied life experiences that have made them into the adults they are now. You’ll find a lot of peace once you begin to accept this truth.

Hopefully these 7 keys to getting along with people will help you improve your relationships with the people around you, whether they are people you know or people you meet when you’re out and about. There’s a general rule of thumb that will always ring true for relating with people: treat others how you would want to be treated.

In other words, don’t be a jerk.


Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide for women entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth. 



Image credit: StockSnap from Pixabay

Who Is Your Friend and Who Is Just an Acquaintance?

What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance or associate? It’s a question that has come up on my social media timeline several times, so I felt it may be of value to write a bit more about this subject. Understanding the answer […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Eve’s Story

Eve’s Story

From Let Him Chase You by Lynn Gilliard 15 days have gone by since their first date. 3 days have gone by since he last called or texted her. 7 days have gone by since he last set up a date with her. And it […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

11 Things Someone Should Have Told You (For Women)

They say that hindsight is 20/20, meaning that if you could go back in time and change some of the decisions you’ve made in the past using the information you have today you probably would. But when you’re in the thick of a situation, things can be a bit cloudier. I sure wish someone would have told me a few more things as I was navigating my teens, 20s, and 30s. These are some of the lessons that I’ve learned over the years that I think would be valuable to younger women.

1. The Difference Between Love, Infatuation, Acquaintanceship, and Desperation

Love is a beautiful and powerful thing, but sometimes we use the word “love” way too loosely. When someone truly loves you, they will be there for you through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. When you’re at your lowest and going through some of the hardest times of your life, someone who loves you will still be there. Nothing could keep them away. This includes friends, family members and romantic interests. Learn the difference between love (which is unconditional and reciprocal), acquaintanceship (which is fleeting), infatuation (which is obsessive and toxic), and desperation (which is sad and pitiful).

2. The Less You Care for and About Yourself, the Less Others Will Care

We sometimes think that having a pity party (poor me) and not treating ourselves well will somehow cause others to come to our rescue or sympathize with us. But when you stop caring about and for yourself, you are teaching others how to treat you. When you present yourself as a pitiful person, other people (except those who want to take advantage of you) don’t want that energy around them. It’s naïve to expect MORE love and care from others if you couldn’t care less about yourself. Value yourself (YOUR TIME AND ENERGY MATTERS), invest in yourself (GET THE THINGS YOU NEED TO BE OKAY AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF), and care for yourself (SELF-CARE).

3. When One Door Closes, Start Looking for The One That Just Opened

It can be difficult to accept when an opportunity or relationship doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, and it’s so easy to just give up. But if you can find it within yourself to rebound from the experience and open yourself to looking at another potential opportunity or partnership, you may find that first door closed for a reason. Learn from unfortunate past experiences, but don’t close yourself off to new possibilities.

4. A Man Who Despises His Mother Will Feel the Same About You

I have said this on so many occasions in the past to women, and I will keep saying it. Dating a man who despises, insults, or constantly complains about his mother can be very damaging to you and your self-esteem in the long-run. When a man has a serious personal issue with his mother, it will likely translate to all of his relationships with women. You could be the sweetest, most understanding, and loving woman ever to walk the earth, but he will still abuse and mistreat you based on his dysfunctional relationship with the woman who brought him into this world.

5. It’s OK to Be Accountable to Someone

We live in a culture now that says you should be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, no matter what, without being responsible to anyone else. But that type of thinking is why there is so much rabid dysfunction in modern society—people begin to lose a grasp of their moral codes. People need other people in order to remain sane, be grounded, stay motivated, and help them make the right decisions. It’s okay to be accountable to at least one person in your life, whether it is a mentor, a sibling, a friend, or a respected elder.

6. When You Chase a Guy He Will Find Ways to Run from You

I wrote my book Let Him Chase You after a particularly distressing series of events with a guy that I was in a relationship with for close to a year. I also remembered advice that I was given by a very dear male friend about what is attractive and unattractive to most men (at least the ones you would want to spend time with). Chasing after a guy for love and affection is like chasing a chicken around in a coop. You might catch him eventually, but he will be making every effort to get away from you throughout the “relationship.” This also applies to a lot of other things in life. If something (or someone) is meant for you, it will come to you naturally.

7. Integrity Will Always Matter

We currently live in a sociopolitical climate where the idea of integrity has mostly flown out of the window. Many of our leaders, celebrity figure, and influencers no longer feel that it’s necessary to be upstanding individuals in order to be successful. It’s all about making money and getting as much fame and attention as possible. But having integrity being trustworthy will always be the best way to go about things—even when it doesn’t seem like it in the short run. Think of it this way: if you know someone who has lied and cheated to get the success and money that they have right now in life, would you ever trust or regard that person again in the future if they came to you for help? The way people that perceive you is a form of currency, and it will always be valuable.

8. You Control How Your Day Goes

You wake up, trip over a toy on the way to the bathroom, yell at your kids or the cat, and there you have it. That’s the beginning of your day and how things will most likely go for the next 24 hours. At a certain moment in the day, you have to pause, take a deep breath and shift your energy in a different direction. Say it out loud no matter how crappy you may feel: this is a GOOD day and it will continue to be a good day. Speak positive affirmations into the air, like “I am worthy of love, attention, and good things happening for me.” You can’t control everything in life, but you can control some things. Take the reins of your day and watch as things start to get a little better.

9. Overcome Fear and Do What You Must

If you have ever had to speak or perform in front of a group of people, you know how scary an experience it can be—especially the minute before you go on stage or stand in front of that podium. But once you get up there and you begin to talk, act, or dance, that fear begins to fall away and you do what you have to do. This is true for most everything in life that you’re afraid of. As the book says, feel the fear and do it anyway.

10. Do What You Do for the Right Reasons

As women, we sometimes feel that we have to do things that we may not want to do out of a sense of obligation or thinking that other people will show us some gratitude. We often play the martyr role, sacrificing ourselves for others who really couldn’t care less either way. Don’t do things because you think that you’ll get some type of reward for your actions, because most likely you won’t. Do what you do because it’s something that you genuinely want to do, and don’t hesitate to choose your needs over the needs of others whenever necessary. As someone wise said, “serve from your saucer, not your cup.”

11. You Don’t Have to Overdo It—One Day at Time

If you listen to the fitness fanatics, chefs, gurus, and fashionistas on Instagram and Pinterest, you’ll think that you have to be some kind of superhuman in order to lose weight, eat right, be stylish, and feel good about yourself. But when you try to overdo things from the very start, you are less likely to continue making positive changes. Take it easy at first and build up from there. For instance, instead of doing an hour of strenuous yoga exercises, start with a 5 minute routine on YouTube. Instead of going 100% vegan on your first week, mix vegan foods into your diet slowly but surely until you’re up to about 60 or 70% and start to like it. Taking measured and purposeful actions day by day will increase the chance that you’ll adopt positive new habits as far as your diet, exercise, and other initiatives.

Take some time and read through these 11 things that someone should have told you (or that someone should be telling you now) as a woman and see how you might be able to apply it to your life today. If you’re not happy with how things are going, you can always make the decision to change your course and start on a new path.

Love Lynn



Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Can We Stop Lying to Young Girls and Women?

Celebrities, reality stars, social influencers, and everyday women do young girls a disservice by pretending that their relationships are “perfect.” Tell them the truth about life and relationships so that they can make better choices. Recently a popular reality television personality from a show that […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

“Dueling Wills” and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting with yourself? Is self-sabotage the real reason why you’re not where you want to be in life? So there I was. Vegetables and fruit spread all over my kitchen table on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon. I […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Relationship Advice: Change Your Dating Pool

Have you ever heard the phrase “if you keep doing the same thing you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting the same results?”

Or “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results?”

Well that advice certainly applies to love, relationships and dating. If you keep going to the same places and doing the same things to attract guys, it’s more than likely you’ll keep getting the same results in your relationships and dating experiences.

For example, if you go to a specific type of bar or a club to meet guys, you’re going to keep meeting the same or similar quality of guys over and over again. They tend to hang out on the same places. Think about it: what type of guys are in the nightclubs? Ones looking for quick hookups with drunk ladies or guys who are cheating or guys who probably don’t have a lot of responsibility in their lives. This isn’t the pool you want to be swimming in unless you want new drama in your life.

If you have used a specific online dating site repeatedly to meet men and every encounter has been a disaster, maybe it’s time to retire that account.

Back in the day, I would sometimes browse the personals section on Craigslist. Insanity. There are so many idiots, perverts and potentially dangerous guys on that open public forum — just don’t do it!

Alternative Dating Pools
I am an advocate of meeting people in one of these ways:

– In a safe group setting, like an upscale, classy singles event or a carefully chosen meetup outing.
– At a cultural event, like an art show, library book reading, museum opening, or even a networking event for business professionals.
– From a referral by a close friend — someone who knows both you and the other person.
– At a party held by friends who invite various people from their social circle.
– At events thrown at colleges or your own school’s homecoming events.

Nowadays there are unfortunately a lot of creepy guys out there, so you don’t want to find yourself in murky waters when dating. So change your social habits to change your dating pool — search for events and gatherings where you’ll find a better quality of guys to socialize with.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Knowing Your Worth As a Woman

Right before writing this blog post, I was watching a TV show where a woman admitted that her husband wakes up, first thing in the morning, and says to her, “*EXPLETIVE that begins with a B*, where are my cigarettes?” Instead of putting him in […]

Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.                                                                
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