As young girls and young women we’re taught by our parents and the media that having a man is a part of being a complete woman.
It happens both subconsciously and blatantly:
– “one day you’ll grow up, get married and have a big wedding” (as a young girl you start to believe that the main goal of LIFE is that wedding)
– “when are you going to have kids?” (an act which requires a man)
– movies, TV shows, magazine articles tailored for women that only focus on how to compete, “win” and keep a man
So it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you need a man to complete you.
But the truth is that a man should not complete who you are — he should be a special companion to an already complete and whole you.
One of the top reasons why so many women get into abusive or unfulfilling relationships with men is that they are searching for that someone or something to complete them. What happens instead is that either the man breaks down her self esteem even more OR leaves her and she’s back to feeling “incomplete” without the guy.
When you’re a whole and complete person all by yourself you might want a man, but you won’t need one in order to be okay.
Being in a happy relationship but not NEEDING the relationship in order to BE happy and complete is a very powerful place to be in as a woman.
Do you think you can get there?
I think so.
Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book Sing While You’re Single offers advice to women who want to remain single for the time being while still maintaining their belief in the power and possibility of love.
3 thoughts on “A Man Should Not (and Cannot Truly) Complete You”
Dear Lynn Gilliard,
Thank you for such a powerful words and advice. I have been reading blogs and websites related to let men chase you, self-love. Sharing my experience with you here, I used to always wonder about men whenever I fall in love with anyone of them – ‘how come he did this to me ?’ ‘how come he can act like this/that?’ but after reading your blog and a few others, now I know that instead of wondering about him, I should actually wonder about me, about myself – the most precious thing that I had forgotten because my mind was too occupied caring about him. At the same time, after reading those blogs, I’ve also realized that how so many women are so disconnected with themselves and easily plunge into emotionally destructive relationship that we called love. All because we lack of self-love, lack of the knowledge of the nature of men.
Your post of the above is amazing. I thought we don’t need guide when it comes to relationship, and I made so many mistakes that in the end, I got hurt. I reached all those blogs and it does help. I wish I’d referred to those (including yours) blog long time ago, since I was a child, so that when I grow up, I understand men better and therefore, I could probably avoid from getting badly hurt emotionally.
I’ve progressed so much from the recent heartbreak. I always tell myself to love that baby. I can’t see that baby. Nobody can. Because that baby is my own self/inner self (unless if I look in the mirror – even that only my physical self). Whenever I feel bad, fall back/ and started to feel like beating myself up (bad experiences sometimes came back to my mind), I would tell myself, what about that baby? That baby needs you. Please don’t hurt that baby. Please take care of that baby with full of love and affection. You validate yourself, you don’t let them define you. I learn to love my life (taking care of diets and etc), appreciate myself (forgive myself), doing things that I enjoy doing (learn to see the world without necessarily having to have a man in my arm), and just let things flow naturally. My whole me that makes me okay. I’ll remember your words.
I was writing when I saw your comment. Thank you because you inspire me to want to write even more. I went through a similar situation as you are now and I can tell you with 100% confidence that it’s not the end of the world by a long shot. In fact, I look back on a lot of my “relationships” and say I am SO glad that didn’t work out! I wish you so many blessings in your life, as well as inspirations. Enjoy!
You’re welcome and thank you for your reply. Please do write more.
We women thought we don’t need books/guide for this, but just like other subjects in school, this subject need to be taught and understood emotionally and physically by women. Especially those who still think that men ‘dicatate’ our lives. And oh well, we should promote it to young women too probably? I mean how dangerous to their emotional being if they still be taught the traditional way of thinking about themselves (men ‘dictate’ their lives/future).
Yes. You’re right. Be very glad when the so-called relationship is no longer running. Be very GLAD : ) because it opens up to a new possibilities, a new breath of life! It’s not really hard to do that, after your reach out for help, reach out to your blogs, other self-help books/blogs.
Thanks a lot. Right now I’m reading some more on how to self-validate. Will wait for your new post!