Before writing this new blog post, I was watching a television show where a woman admitted that her husband wakes up, first thing in the morning, and says to her, “Bitch, where are my cigarettes?” Instead of putting him in his place, she just calmly tells him where his cigarettes are so that he’ll leave her alone.
Hearing that type of thing is shocking to a woman like me, because I am at a place in my life where I know my worth. There’s no way on God’s green earth that I would allow a man or anyone for that matter to address me as “bitch” instead of my name, and I’m going to be fine with that.
Though this story goes along with what I want to discuss in this post, it’s not what inspired me to blog about knowing your worth. The recent story of singer Ciara is what inspired me to write today.
Ciara used to be in a relationship with a rapper who sang about doing drugs and disrespecting women as if it was the natural way of things. This man had multiple children by multiple women — none of whom he felt was worthy of marriage. He is the type of man who was raised without home training on how to take care of and love a woman. After getting Ciara pregnant, he allegedly cheated on her and they broke up.
Many women who find themselves in this type of situation choose to continue the same cycle over and over again with the same type of man. But Ciara chose differently. She decided to date a man who respected her true worth as a woman. They chose to be celibate and get to know each other in other intimate ways, and as of today they are engaged to be married.
Now I don’t know these people. I don’t know if her new guy is really as great a guy as he is portrayed in public. But the glow on a woman’s face tells the whole story, and based on the glow that is now coming off of Ciara, she made the right choice.
Here is the most important takeaway from the story. Before Ciara could meet a man who knew her worth, SHE had to know her worth.
The woman from the television show I mentioned doesn’t know her worth yet, which is why she has continued to endure that level of disrespect from her husband. And if she doesn’t learn and acknowledge her worth, she will end up with another man who will treat her the same exact way.
A Confident Woman
Knowing yourself means having confidence in your essence, value and power as a woman. I talk about this at length in my book You Matter.
You have to have the type of confidence about yourself that overcomes any level of desperation and fear of being alone.
You have to have the type of confidence that makes it easy to not only drop a man who doesn’t respect your worth in a HEARTBEAT, but also to FORGET about him just as quickly, continue to get out there, stay positive and date if that’s what you want to do.
You have to have the type of confidence that actively attracts the right type of guys around you. The type of confidence about yourself that REPELS problematic men because they know they’re not in your league.
You have to have the type of confidence where you could be wearing a burlap sack and still know you look good. You know you don’t have to dress in less in order to attract attention.
When you have that level of confidence, men want to rise up to meet you where you are instead of trying to take you down. The men who prey on women who have low self-esteem won’t even try it with you.
Know Your Worth
If more women knew their worth, I believe the world would be a much better place for everyone. Everyone would do better and be better. Unfortunately a lot of women go into their senior years enduring pain and disrespect from their husbands, and that bad energy gets passed down from generation to generation.
Know that you matter, no matter what may be going on in your life. Keep that message close to your heart ALWAYS so that you won’t ever find yourself settling for something or someone who isn’t right for you.
Lynn Gilliard is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU. Her latest book You Matter encourages women to know and understand their worth.